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If things aren’t going too well between you and your partner, don’t you worry! Here are some tips to keep in mind for a successful relationship with your partner. Top 10 things that make a relationship work and deepen the bond…

1. Spend Time Together
Take out at least half an hour from your busy schedule everyday to speak to your partner. Make it a point to spend some quality time exclusively together and go out at least once a month. It helps, trust us!

2. Two-way Communication is Important
Communication is the key to success in any relationship. The more you communicate, the better it is for the two of you, as it helps you understand each other better. But, remember interaction implies action on both sides. Therefore, every interaction should be two-way.

3. Learn to Compromise and Adjust
There’s no harm in compromising and making some adjustments to make your relationship work. In fact, won’t it be rude if you don’t compromise in any way and every time your partner has to adjust? So, make that extra effort for your partner. Remember, a good relationship is always built on compromise and a great deal of give-and-take from both sides. Also, adjustment is part and parcel of every long-lasting relationship.

4. Continue to Compliment
In most cases, the couple compliment each other only in the initial days and then it all suddenly stops. If it’s the same in your case too, start complementing your partner again and s/he will love it, trust us! The compliments should continue even after a few years of the relationship to keep the chemistry alive.

5. Don’t Try to Change Your Partner
If you really love your partner, accept him/her unconditionally. Instead of trying to change some characteristics about your partner, you have to learn to accept your partner the way s/he is.

6. Forgive and Forget
All couples have their share of ups and downs in life. If your partner has hurt you in the past and since then things have changed between the two of you, it’s best to forgive him/her. Remember, forgive and forget is the key to a better relationship. So, try this and things will soon get back on track.

7. Keep Smiling
You need to learn to do that one thing that’s most likely to restore good feelings in your relationship. Wondering what? We’re just talking about giving your partner a genuine and loving smile every time you see him/her or whenever your partner is around.

8. Speak Up
If there’s something that’s bothering you, say it. Learn to express your problems to your partner and try sorting it out at the earliest. Bottling up your feelings can only make the situation worse and affect your relationship.

9. Work Out a Budget Together
Conflicts over money matters is a common problem. How to save or how to spend is what creates fights. For a relationship to work, you have to listen to each others point of views. Managing finances well and paying heed to your partner’s advice is the best thing to do to avoid fights. Yes, you should make the most of your time now, but also plan for future if you really want to spend rest of your life together.

10. Everyday is a New Day
Yes, we mean it, as everyday you’ll get to know something new about your partner, especially when you happen to meet someone online. Life will be full of surprises and each day will be a discovery. The journey can be as exciting as the destination. So, enjoy the opportunity to discover each others flaws and merits. Way to go!

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While text messaging may seem like a quick, convenient way to communicate with a partner, it’s also void of emotional intimacy and not the best way to develop the communication skills needed for a long-term relationship.

Of course, texts can be helpful down the road for a quick check-in or confirmation of a date, but they aren’t meant for nurturing a budding relationship.

Yet, women tell me all the time that text is often a guy’s preferred mode of communication, so they comply so they won’t look difficult. Sadly, replying to his texts will only further train him to rely on text and rarely gift you with a voice-to-voice connection.

The good news is that women have more control than they think. Training a man to text instead of call is simply based on old-fashioned behavioral shaping, that is, rewarding positive behaviors and ignoring negative ones.

And it’s important that you train him early in the relationship so you don’t have to break a texting habit down the road.

Here’s how it’s done ladies:

In the beginning of your relationship, respond to one of his texts by saying, “I prefer to use texting for quick messages about meeting up. I’ll pick up my phone if I see it’s you calling. J.”

This text communicates that you have boundaries and requirements and that you’d be happy to reward him by taking his phone calls without chastising him.

“Training him is about rewarding

all the behaviors you like.”

The next stage is a little more difficult.

Most humans won’t follow a new rule until they see a consequence in action. He’ll probably still text you a few more times. And if you respond to those texts, you are rewarding his behavior and breaking the rule you just set up.

So keep your pretty manicured hand off your keyboard. Remember, part of the training is the testing phase. He wants to see how easy you are to manipulate.

Heads up. In this stage, he may even get angry and give you the silent treatment, stopping texts and phone calls all together to see if you’ll take the bait.

A player will likely fall off your radar entirely and you can thank your lucky stars that you shook him off before he gave you a broken heart or an STD.

The guy who’s into you still has you on his mind.

Just when you think you’ve fallen off his radar, he’ll send you a text, hoping that after this silence, you’re squirming to hear from him (which you probably are).

Again, here’s another test. You don’t need to nag him by repeating your rule. But you do want to let him know you are still reading his texts.

Respond with only one, simple character, a smiley face. That’s it. Nothing more. It says “I’m not mad, my phone is still working and I’m not giving into a text relationship.” Most importantly, it doesn’t say any words.

By now, this guy should realize that he needs to step it up and actually dial your number. And when he does, this is your opportunity to reward his good behavior.

Rather than picking up the phone with a, “So I see you learned how to dial a phone,” instead respond with a cheerful, happy, “Hey! I was just thinking about you.”

Training him is about rewarding all the behaviors you like. It’s simple human conditioning.

One last thought: You may need to do this training a few times until he sees you are serious.

But once you have a healthy bond and a growing trust, you can use text for the reason it was invented. To say things like, “Counting the hours until I see you again. J.”

Dr. Wendy Walsh is the author of “The 30 Day Love Detox” (Feb 2013)


You’re on a date to assess if the person is a right match for you or not, right? So, instead of wasting time talking about unimportant things, consider these five points…

1. Get to Know Your Partner
This means, find out about his/her likes, dislikes, favorite films, choice of music, favorite cuisine, his/her lifestyle, family background, etc. Ask as much as you want to, but don’t get personal.

2. Ready For Marriage?
Yes, this is the first thing you should ask your partner. At times people are forced by their parents to get married. If that’s the case, it’s best not to get involved with a person who isn’t ready to settle down.

3. Expectations
Discuss with your partner about his/her expectations from you and about what you expect from your him/her too. You need to know whether your expectations match. If they don’t, it obviously means you two don’t make a great match.

4. Job and Savings
Find out about his/her profession and how much salary is s/he currently drawing. Does your partner plan to change his/her profession in the near future and if your partner believes in saving. Remember, it’s better to have all the cards laid on the table beforehand, instead of figuring it out as you go along.

5. Lifestyle
After marriage you’ll be living together, so that means you will need to adjust with each other’s lifestyle and schedule. To make the transition go smooth, discuss your routines. Also, find out how adjusting and understanding your partner is. If your work timings aren’t flexible, talk about it.


You’re going to get noticed only by your online matrimonial profile, so you need to make sure you make use of the right words to get the right match. Avoid using clichéd or very common terms that can make your profile appear super boring or uninteresting. The kind of words you use in your profile can make a big difference. So, here are 4 words you should avoid using in your profile and if you’ve already added any of these words please delete them…

Hot
Some people want a good looking partner, we understand! But that doesn’t mean you write that in your profile. Also, never write, “I’m quite hot and intelligent.” Instead of describing yourself as hot, you can write something about your nature, likes, dislikes and family. Let your photos speak for themselves. If you’re really that good looking, you’ll easily find an equally good looking match on ShaadiConnections.com.

Prince Charming
Let us tell you that most men do not like women writing, “I’m here to find my Prince Charming.” This is not enough for a man to understand what are you actually looking for in a partner. Prince charming sounds like an unreal fairytale romance. You’re on ShaadiConnections.com to find your match, so take that seriously and write about what qualities would you want your partner to possess, etc.

OMG!
This is your matrimonial profile and you’re not here to make friends, right? So, avoid your chat language here. Follow the thumb rule – No Shortcuts. We’re not saying you shouldn’t be yourself but that doesn’t mean you write things like, “OMG! I’m finally 25 and it’s time for me to start hunting for my match.” This is not how you write a profile. Do not write exactly the way you think. This will only show how immature you are. Your profile needs to be simple, easy to understand and to the point.

Chemistry
Everyone wants a partner who shares similar values, thoughts, likes, dislikes, etc. Chemistry means nothing but a person you get along really well with and that the two of you have a lot in common. It means when the two of you meet spending time together is exciting. So, be a little more precise. “I want someone with whom I have great chemistry,” is found in a lot of profiles, which shouldn’t be mentioned. The word ‘Chemistry’ adds no value to a profile, trust us!


 

It all begins with a glance, a smile and a conversation. Then it becomes a touch, a kiss and an amazing thrill. Eventually, if we’re lucky, it turns into a bond that gives meaning and purpose to our lives in a way that endures through decades of rearing children and sharing the glad and sad adventures of a lifetime.

What is the secret potion that can transform a simple smile into years of satisfying and compassionate partnership? It’s not love. It’s commitment.

As we move through the steps of a relationship, it is the increasing commitment that lets us know when the time is right to move to the next level, and that gives us the clarity and the courage to plunge ahead further into the unexplored and endless frontier of love.

1. Dating.

It is those early days of wine and roses that set the tone for the relationship to come. Much of the attraction and spark is physical in the beginning. Every touch is magical. Every kiss is a rocket ship to an exciting new world.

It is our ability to see beyond the ecstasy and pleasure of the moment and into the caring heart of our lover who will plant the seed of commitment that allows our lust to be transformed into love.

It is when we realize it is her eyes that mesmerize us that we open up the dimension where true love can flourish. It has to be her touch, her voice, her smile, and her presence that make her silky touch so intoxicating and her companionship so addictive and fulfilling. If any skin will do, then commitment will not follow.

2. Going exclusive.

What allows a man to give up all other women for the love of one special girl is not love alone. It is his knowledge that his love is safe in her heart. It is his awareness that he needs her and can depend on her in every circumstance. It is the trust and comfort she so freely gives him.

A man knows it is time to take his relationship to the next level when he is sure her love for him is as strong as his love for her. Committing loyalty, honor and oneself to one woman is not something a man will risk if he is not confident of the reward to follow.

The level of commitment that comes with exclusivity is an extension of shared trust, comfort, need and loving satisfaction. It is also the point at which the relationship will be tested in the laboratory of everyday life, through those boring and difficult moments.

“While love may be the bricks of a relationship,

commitment is the mortar that holds it together.”

3. Engagement.

If the fragile butterfly of love can survive the inevitable arguments, temptations, sorrows, failures, and a few arrows of outrageous fortune every couple must face, then the level of commitment will rise as the bond becomes stronger and more resilient.

The fear of commitment most men have to deal with melts away and becomes the eager anticipation of sharing life’s journey with the only woman he can imagine as a lifetime partner and the mother of his children.

When a woman can so permeate a man’s existence in dynamic and multidimensional ways, she will earn his commitment and he will understand that his commitment will unleash the full power of love, which will free his soul and his personal strength to soar to new heights at home and at work.

4. Marriage.

Marriage is the inevitable outcome of love and devotion, when we understand the process and allow it to work at its own pace.

The woman who is his soul mate understands that it is not his love that holds him back along the way. It is his willingness and ability to let go of himself and commit his life to her, one step at a time, that is a slower and more frightening ride for a man.

Her patience, understanding and partnership have given him the comfort and courage to willingly commit his life to her.

Marriage is a balance, based on traditional roles. The man is comfortable in his natural role and feels needed and strong as the provider and protector. Of course, modern reality forces us to modify our roles to incorporate 21st century lifestyles and values.

Still, it is the pride and independence a man can find in his work and leisure time, the love and trust he experiences with his woman, and the feeling of “home” that she brings to the four walls of a house that give a man the level of comfort he needs to gladly accept the final and highest level of commitment to a woman.

It’s a long and winding road from that first smile to a fulfilling marriage, and it takes more than love to get there. Love is fickle. Commitment is enduring. “For richer” is easy but “for poorer” is not.

“In sickness” takes dedication and compassion and “in health” is a breeze. Love — especially the “falling in love” variety — is all about the “better.” But commitment and real fulfillment has to encompass the “worse” as well.

It is the understanding that while love may be the bricks of a relationship, commitment is the mortar that holds it together, makes it work, makes it strong, and makes it last.


How do you know that the person you’re interacting with is your special someone? Especially, if you’ve found someone on a matrimonial site? Some people say they get positive vibes while talking to the person or after meeting him/her, while some keep thinking if that person is really the one for them. If you’re in a similar situation, here are some pointers that can help you decide on your perfect match:

1. The Compatibility Test
This is the most important thing when it comes to identifying your match. You need to find out how compatible are you guys with each other before you think of marriage. It’s important that both of you share common interests, likes, hobbies, etc and are on the same wavelength. This will help you understand each other better in the future.

2. Values
You can’t expect someone to have high moral standards if you yourself don’t have them. A person’s values, morals and beliefs are part of their core personality. If both of you share similar values, it means the two of you will get along well.

3. Families
Again, this is extremely important, especially for the girl. Families play an important role in a marriage, so it’s always better that both the families get along well. And, since the girl will be living with her in-laws in the future, she needs to feel comfortable with them. So, how compatible you are with your in-laws also matters.

4. Opinion on Important Matters
Find out what does your partner think of a future with you? Does s/he expect you to leave your job and shift to another city in the near future? How broad-minded is his/her family? How important is religion to him/her? By when does s/he plan to have kids? Are the guy’s parents all right with you working after marriage? etc. These questions might sound funny to you, but it’s very important to be clear about all these things in advance, trust us! Remember, once you’re married there’s no looking back. Moreover, when couples have different views on certain key topics, their relationship is likely to fall into trouble.

– Vipasha Pillai


 

According to a study conducted at the University of South Brittany, the quickest way for a woman to gain a man’s interest is by gently touching his arm. Researchers recruited a 20-year-old woman, rated ‘averagely attractive’ by a panel of 18 men, to approach 64 young, single males chosen at random in a bar.

She asked each of them to help her get a key into a key ring. During half the encounters, the woman then touched the man for one or two seconds on his forearm before thanking him and returning to her table. Researchers found a third of the men who had been touched struck up a conversation with the woman, but that only 16 per cent tried to talk to her if they had no physical contact.

“Numerous researchers have found that such brief non-verbal contact significantly increases compliance,” Dr Nicolas Gueguen who led the study, was quoted saying in the Daily Mail.

Courtesy – MSN Lifestyle


 

Parents forgive more than children, while women are better at forgiving than men, according to a recent study. The study into the emotional differences between the sexes and generations in terms of forgiveness was conducted by the University of the Basque Country (UPV/EHU). Maite Garaigordobil, co-author of the study and a senior professor at the Psychology Faculty of the UPV said, “The study has great application for teaching values, because it shows us what reasons people have for forgiving men and women, and the popular conception of forgiveness.”

This study is the first to have been carried out in Spain. It shows that parents find it easier to forgive than their children, and that women are better at forgiving than men. “A decisive factor in the capacity to forgive is empathy, and women have a greater empathetic capacity than men”, Carmen Maganto, co-author of the study and a tenured professor at the Psychology Faculty of the UPV, said. The results, which were measured using a scale to assess the ability to forgive (CAPER), and a scale of forgiveness and facilitating factors (ESPER), show that there are differences in the reasons that encourage forgiveness according to people’s age and sex.

Children believe that “one forgives with time”, while parents point to reasons such as “remorsefulness and forgiving the other person” and “legal justice”. The authors of this study say that parents who have forgiven most over the course of their lives have an increased capacity to forgive in all areas. Parents and children use similar definitions of forgiveness. Not bearing a grudge, reconciliation and understanding-empathy are the terms most used by both groups to define forgiveness. However, there are greater differences between men and women. Both see “not bearing a grudge” as the best definition of forgiveness, but men place greater importance on this characteristic.

The study, which was carried out with the collaboration of 140 participants (parents and children aged between 45 and 60, and 17 and 25), highlights two key conditions for a person to be forgiven. One is for them to “show remorse” and the second is for the person who has been offended “not to bear a grudge”. The study has been published in the Revista Latinoamericana de Psicologia.

Courtesy – msn.com


I happened to chance upon this article recently:http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/06/13/marriage-and-the-art-of-game-theory.html. It was about how Game Theory could be applied to Marriage; the premise being that there is a lot in common between the two – including the presence of two people with different interests, each trying to maximize their own best results, in spite of the other person’s presence. I read the full article with a great deal of interest; in part, the boldness of the idea and the hard-nosed practicality appealed to me. When you start out with your relationship, there’s usually a lot of starry-eyed romance and idealism, particularly if you’re still young – I was a mere twenty two when I met my to-be husband. Once you’re actually married, though, and the reality of having to live everyday with someone else sets in, it’s easy to start believing that you’ve now entered into a lifelong contract for daily battles.

For me personally, in my ten years of marriage, it’s certainly been true – we’ve spent so much time trying to establish our own individuality, further our own interests, negotiating, scoring points…in short…yes, Gaming. My father-in-law, however, holds the opposite point of view. He has been living with us for the last year, and occasionally gives us advice on marriage, based on his own more-than-fifty-years-and-happy-relationship. In fact, he said to me a few months ago – after he saw me all upset after a fight – “In marriage, you agree to give up on your own ego – it is a merging of both egos that takes place.” Yeah, right, I thought at the time, only just refraining from rolling my eyes, purely out of respect and politeness. That sounded idealistic and unrealistic – actually, not even idealistic – who would want to lose their own individuality, in this day and age? Merging of the egos. Hah. No, thanks, Papaji!

And then something strange happened last week. Vijay did something which was wrong and hurtful, and he knew it. This is the kind of occasion which I usually pounce upon with great gusto, tearing into him and milking it for all it’s worth, with the full resolve to remind him about and use it against him again and again in the future. Notching it up to One-More-Win-for-the-lady- in-the-Red Corner. But then, suddenly, in the middle of my tirade, when I saw how sad and sorry he was actually looking, something changed. Suddenly, I didn’t feel hurt and angry any more – and it didn’t matter that I had good reason to be. All that mattered was that he was looking miserable. I stopped speaking; huffed out my cheeks one final time and then sat down next to him on the floor and put my arms around him, and said, “It’s okay. Don’t look so sad. We all make mistakes. Let’s just forget about it now.”

He returned my hug with a great deal of relief, tightening his arms around me. And then his grip suddenly slackened and he pushed me away, holding me by the shoulders – and looked intently into my face. With a great deal of suspicion he asked, “Is this you?” When I affirmed that it was indeed his wife of ten years that he had been embracing until a minute ago, he enveloped me again and murmured into my hair, “Lagta hai bade ho gaye ho tum!” Indeed. I suppose I am growing up. High time, really! So, the long and short of the whole matter –between the idea of Game Theory and Marriage versus Papaji’s ideal notion of egos merging and all that jazz, I’m still somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. But I have a sneaking suspicion that I may be leaning towards the latter. Because ultimately, I’d like to think that your life partner isn’t your opponent; and that, in fact, you are both irrefutably on the same side. And hopefully, over time, with enough practice – you’re going to shape up to be a pretty solid team. Wouldn’t that just be a nicer way to live?

P.S And if you do come around to this same point of view, I’m just hoping it takes you less than ten years.

– Contributed by Yashodhara Lal

(Yashodhara Lal is the author of ‘Just Married, Please Excuse’, and brings us a series of articles based on her ten years – and many blunders – on that bumpy, beautiful ride called Marriage. Yashodhara blogs at www.yashodharalal.com and is on twitter with the handle @yashodharalal)


Women want to be loved and respected

In spite of dating several women, you haven’t succeeded in understanding women, is it? Well, in that case let us tell you that it’s not such a difficult task to understand women. We list down certain things that most women like.

1. Women Love Attention
This is very true. If you’ve been living with a carefree attitude, it’s high time you change yourself. Women like men who’re kind, caring, loving and have all the time in this world to give them the much wanted attention. If you think you have none of these qualities in you, it’s time to change yourself. Unless you do, you’ll never find the right match. So, pamper your ladylove!

2. Even Little Things Can Impress Them
Well, yes, of course it is said that diamonds are a woman’s best friend but not all women expect their partner to gift them expensive stuff like jewelry, phone, iPod, a branded bag or watch. Even little things can make women really happy. Be it, buying her a bunch of red roses or dropping her back home after work can go a long way in creating a lasting impression on her. So, do things that she likes and just see what all she does to make you happy.

3. For Women, It’s About ‘US’
Remember, it’s not just about you. If you’re planning to marry the woman you like, it’s time you replace ‘I’ and ‘ME’ with ‘WE’ and ‘US’. Women always look for a supportive life partner, one who can understand them and be there besides them when they really need you. So, first learn to support her and do things that make her happy.

4. They Want A Man Who’s Committed
Do we really need to tell you that women love men who’re committed? If you’ve been a flirt in the past, please make sure you change your image before you start looking forward to settling down with a woman. Trust is the key word in every relationship. Never give her a chance to doubt you in any situation.

5. Women are Emotional
Women have emotional needs and please note that retail therapy (read shopping) is one of them. Shopping for women has never been so quick. So be patient and give her time. They need to be told everyday that they are loved, valued and they are the ones that make your world go round. Women are sensitive and need to be handled with care.